Bird’s Eye View: Let’s Stop Domestic Abuse!

In light of the recent revelations of the Ray Rice domestic abuse video I figured it was time to address men on this topic; domestic violence towards wives and girl-friends.

“In 2010, 7 in 10 (70%) victims of police-reported family violence were girls or women” (says a recent study on ‘Family violence in Canada: A statistical profile, 2010″, http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-002-x/2012001/article/11643-eng.pdf)

The majority of victims in spousal violence are women and “rates were highest in the territories, Saskatchewan and Manitoba,” said the report.

Also, 67% of women face the disturbing phenomenon of physical or sexual violence at least once in their life.

This means if you have 5 friends that are girls it is highly like 3 of them have faced this from a guy at some point.

Yet we hide this phenomenon and cover up these statistics because, God forbid, anyone should have to deal with shame. I get it; no one wants to be the ‘bad guy, so let’s start with me.

I’ve never hit a woman. But I’ve seen so much of this in my lifetime that it was like watching a domestic abuse sitcom for about 6 years. That was in my immediate upbringing from my dad. It doesn’t get more intimate than to watch your mother face this down on a weekly basis. That’s how you rip the soul from a child, or at the very least, stain it.

But that was not all. I seen it from my community and other family members. It was so prevalent growing up that seeing a woman hit was actually disgustingly normal. I always knew there was something wrong with the pain inflicted because not once did I see a woman happy about having her life threatened.

These were life threatening incidents for these women because men were using their physical violence to ‘have the last word’. Sometimes the last word is actually the last word…ever.

I know this type of anger quite well. Where does it come from?

In the study, it also reported, “Findings from the 2009 General Social Survey indicate that spousal victims were more likely than other victims to be first victimized as a child.”

In the case of my parents – residential schools were the cornerstone of the problem. It robbed my mom and dad of their parenting skills but worse, it robbed them of an identity and ability to properly love (outside of discipline). They lost skills they needed to raise 8 kids. They lost skills they needed to love one another as well.

But for many seeing this type of abuse as a child is enough to continue it. As a kid I was constantly in fights and was headed down a path of violence as well (and always fought my brother even though I loved him to death).

The situation had impacted me and I knew it did. So I did the thing I needed to do, I got help for my issues of anger and violence. I started attending religious services and working on my personal character. Recently I even attended counselling sessions to continue my progression and growth.

If you’re a guy and you know you struggle with issues of anger and lack good coping skills then it is time to find some help. I would suggest finding a good counselling centre or attending religious/traditional teachings.

It is time to deal with our anger and help our women feel safe in this society.

– Jay Bird, Bird’s Eye View