RezXtra; Happy Father’s Day…to mine and yours

Father. It is more than just a name. It is more than just what any man can easily become. It is a title only deserving of those who took the time to raise their sons or daughters while sacrificing their whole life. They are the ones who truly deserve this day (father’s day) to enjoy all they have done to raise their children in the best way possible. You have earned it.

I usually never write any blogs, because I never have the time for it, mostly due to raising my own son. But this was special, as I not only wanted to wish all you Dad’s a Happy Father’s Day, I also wanted to send a tribute to my own Dad who raised me to be the man I’am today.

My Dad, Allan Ross, who lives in Edmonton, is still being a Dad. He lives with his wife and my step mom, Ruby Paskemin and my little sisters, Sarah, Alison, Shahayla, and the oldest Abby (and her baby, Mila). He still is heavily involved in their lives whether it is through sports, school or anything else.

But my best memories come from the first family, of me, my two older sisters, Alana, Marnie and my mom, Helen. Christmas’s were the best and so were family trips and just that sense of unity.

When I went to live with my Dad when I was 8, I really got to know him and learn from him. He took me everywhere he went. Little did I know, it was these special moments that taught me everything I know today on being a father myself.

Later, living with my sisters again, my Dad became a single father raising three kids while going to University. We weren’t rich by any means, but he always put us first and put food on the table. We were also the family that prayed together, as he introduced our culture to us at an early age. When it came to sports, he always had us working out to teach us the values only learned through sport.

Basketball was a sport we all loved and a game we all shared. But it wasn’t exclusive to us children.

On top of being one of the best basketball players in Saskatchewan in his prime, my Dad was also a teacher and coach for many kids wherever he taught. In communities like, Whitefish, Onion Lake, Poundmaker, Lebret and Saskatoon, he had a huge influence on every kid he ever taught or coached.

Some of which included Michael Linklater, who became a national champion. Another was Ryan Atimoyo who became a skilled filmmaker and actor. Others included kids from Lebret, some of which I still run into from time to time in Regina who are all doing well with families of their own.

Growing up, he was also my teacher and basketball coach, and I remember times where he was hard on me, but I never realized he was only pushing me to better myself. It was this “never give up” and “work hard” attitude that I adopted from him. He also taught me to “think big” and “think smart” which is why everything I do, I take on a lot of responsibility and never give up or at least until I’ve given my all.

He also never picked me up when I fell, so during those times I thought he was neglecting me, I never knew he actually was setting me up to deal with future failures of my own. He taught me how to succeed from that.

I admit, I never always listened to my Dad. I never picked up the basketball and ran with it like he did. I never fell in love with the game like he did. And I never became a teacher like he still is today.

I went off and did my own thing, because I was trying to prove myself and make my own identity. Yet if there is anything we share, it is our strength and generosity and being humble – something I never adopted until I was older. But above all, he taught me responsibility and to be kind to others.

When my first and only son, Creeseaux was born it changed my life. For the longest time, I thought I would never be a father. Never. So when I found out my girlfriend, Tasheena was pregnant, I knew I had to get my act together. That is when I decided to bring back my magazine, RezX as I had only nine months to establish it so that I could provide for my son who was “coming soon” like a movie I had never been so excited to see.

But when Creeseaux came, it wasn’t like any movie, it was reality and it was love. The first night in the hospital when Tasheena was sleeping from exhaustion, I stayed up holding and carrying him all night because he was crying and the nurses never took the time to notice that he was just hungry for milk. I didn’t sleep at all that whole day and night, so something kicked in that made me hold him until he finally went to sleep – it was my first huge task of being a dad by simply comforting him. It was my first test.

I still remember, before he slept he would look up at me every now and then like he was thinking, “who are you, are you my daddy?” as I would just whisper to him, “Yes Creeseaux, now go to sleep my son”.

When we took him home, thus began a new journey, in raising a little boy into becoming a man. But he is still only 17-months, and now becoming a little boy in front of our eyes. Tasheena and I both have our own special relationship with him, and that’s a great thing. He loves to bug his mom and something tells me he will continue to do that his whole life. His mom loves to bug him back and he can’t take it. Those two people are very special to me.

For my relationship with my son, I always go back to thinking, this blessing may never have happened. So I spoil him, I carry him, I comfort him, because every moment counts. I take on a lot of the responsibility and I love every minute of it, because I feel he deserves it. And the best feeling is when he loves you back like he is returning it with hugs and kisses and smiles.

One day I asked my Mom, “how was Dad like when I was a little baby?” And she said, “Oh he loved you soooo much, you were his only son and he always carried you around and did everything with you”. That’s when I realized, me spoiling Creeseaux was not out of seizing the moment, but out of a positive generational effect from when I was a baby.

Which means for all you fathers out there, that time you spend just loving your kids will have a huge effect when they get older and have their own kids, no matter what happens from this moment forward between you too. It is those moments that will forever be ingrained in them and will carry on.

Now every father’s day, there’s the old joke within Aboriginal people, saying this is the most confusing day out of the year. It’s a sad and utterly horrible joke, because it has some truth but times are changing. True, there are many fathers out there that don’t stick around – out of maybe selfishness and not realizing the impact there absence will have later in life (like kids joining gangs, dropping out of school or becoming independent, it could go either way etc).

To those fathers, it’s never too late to reunite or just be there. Don’t feel guilty, just feel responsible that there is still time to catch up because kids love unconditionally.

But times are also changing which will soon make that joke irrelevant. For all the bad fathers out there, there are just as much dedicated fathers who are either co-parenting or doing it all on there own. They are the ones who are taking the responsibility to a whole new level of fatherhood for Indigenous people, which is benefitting our people in general and setting us up for a bright future.

To those dedicated fathers, take this day and be proud of the man you have become. You can take solace in knowing you are having a positive impact on that child’s life. So today, sleep in, don’t change pampers at all, relax. And if you can’t do that, call your auntie or mom over, let them handle it.

For me, I was just lucky to have a father like mine, and so were a lot of those kids he coached and taught. More importantly, I’m just lucky to still have him around, to be just a phone call away to tell him “I love you” every now and then. These days, we have a new kind of relationship, we talk parenting and business and basketball. And I look forward to the day I can do that with my own son, until then I’m just enjoy it all.

If he is reading this now, which he probably is, I just want to say;

Dad, you taught me to be the greatest father to my own son, Creeseaux. Everything I do I learned from you, how I carry him, how I show him love, how I play with him, how I talked to him and how I’am there for him, I learned from you.

When I was a little boy and we lived in La Ronge and you took me every where you went and raised me all on your own, little did you know I was paying attention to you this whole time. You taught me very well and for that, I will forever be grateful and so will Creeseaux.

So from all of your kids; Chris, Marnie, Alana, Sarah, Alison, Shahayla and Abby (and your wife Ruby and all your grandkids)…

Happy Fathers Day!

– Story by Chris Tyrone Ross, Editor-In-Chief, RezX Magazine

Chris Tyrone Ross, Publisher & Editor-In-Chief, RezX Magazine (Photo by Ryan Peterman)

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