Indian Horoscopes – April: The “Ahteenay at least wash your snagging blanket before you hit the pow wow trail this year eh” edition.

JANUARY Kisê-pîsim – The Great Moon – Deer

Getting the kids to hockey tournaments, to and from work, studying for classes and helping your kids with their homework can be draining! To top it all off your partner wants time, your family is always bugging you and yet you have to cook supper every night! You know what? Go ahead, buy some store bought bannock, no one will tell!

FEBRUARY Mikisiwi-pîsim– The Eagle Moon – Eagle

My sister and I used to argue over fry bread or grease bannock, it was such a minor thing but you know what, it was the bannock that always brought us together. Let it bring you together with your family, over jam and tea, with fried baloney, hot out of the oven with butter and salt, break bannock together and love each other.

MARCH Niski-pîsim – The Goose Moon – Cougar

Healthy and happy and full of life! Hitting the gym every other day is really paying off and you love the new found energy and clarity in your body but you still crave good old bannock every now and again. But have no fear for whole wheat bannock is here! You can have a little slice…with jam…

APRIL Ayikî-pîsim – The Frog Moon – Beaver

You know, if you made fry bread every time you got in trouble with your boss at work you’d end up having to give fry bread away! Maybe it’s time you settled down at work, while most people jump out of the frying pan into the fire, lately you’ve been jumping right into the frying pan for no reason. Quit it eh! Your family needs that pay check!

MAY Sâkipakâwi-pîsim – The Budding Moon – Bear

Feeling fancy this year just because its tax season eh? Time for the new TV, Xbox one and even maybe dinner at someplace other than good old KFC! Where ever you go be sure it isn’t too high strung, at least ask for herb and garlic bannock so you still feel at home!

JUNE Pâskâwihowi-pîsim – The Hatching Moon – Thunderbird

Dehydration for everything from grapes to apricots seems to be in style so go ahead and be adventurous – add raisins to your bannock this time! Or make plans to go skydiving, however you find your adventure make sure and thank the creator for every day you get to do it!

JULY Paskowi-Pîsim – The Moulting Moon – Coyote

Always being traditional you! Except when your posting on Facebook, cashing your cheques, driving your 4×4, living in your house, wearing your cowboy hat, sending your kids to private school, and buying your gal flowers! You should make her some oven bannock and surprise the shit out of her!

AUGUST Ohpahowi-pîsim – The Flying Up Moon – Mouse

You just never know what good learning bannock on a stick can do so you might as well learn. Trust me there’s always a Nukom waiting to teach you the secrets of bannock making! A good piece of bannock is just as good as a diamond ring so learn up!

SEPTEMBER Nôcihitowi-pîsim– The Mating Moon – Salmon

Your family depends on your for much, everything from rides to bingo, to helping at the round dances, to having a place to stay for the night when things get rough. And every time they come around you always have bannock, your starting to be known as the one who has the magic bannock in town. Keep it up.

OCTOBER Pinaskâwi-pîsim – The Migrating Moon – Turtle

Telling everyone who cares to listen that bannock is a Scottish invention isn’t endearing you to many friends. But you’ve never had to survive on a good piece of hard bannock that sat in your stomach for days like a hard lump to keep hunger at bay did you? The Jewish people had manna, the Irish had potatoes and we, well we had bannock. Respect man.

NOVEMBER Iyikopiwi-pîsim – The Frost Moon – Wolf

Bread and buns all the time? Come on! Taste the glorious goodness that is in the variety of bannock and let your mouth water over the savoury smells of your Nukoms bannock bringing all the Mushoms to the yard once again! And finally, understand that bannock is the grease that smoothes families over, it is the dough that sticks to the ribs your loved ones and it is the lessons you teach to your little ones.

DECEMBER Pawâcakinasîsi-pîsim – The Frost Exploding Trees Moon – Spider

You know you’re getting a nickname eh? you’re partners are starting to call you ‘The GST Lover’ cause you only come around when they got their GST in! It’s no wonder you’re only getting the burnt bannock when you visit now! Stabilize your relationships, you’re getting old now and people are getting real tired of your shit!

– Bill Stevenson