Indian Horoscopes: November – The Beaver Edition!

JANUARY Kisê-pîsim – The Great Moon – Deer

Your kids are going to be so disappointed when they find out how you go through their Halloween candies and take out your favourites to hide for yourself. You might try to say you are just doing what your parents did to you, but you know it isn’t right. Your little sweeties worked hard for their sweets, they should enjoy it! Take some beef over to Beaver this month, he will really appreciate it.

FEBRUARY Mikisiwi-pîsim– The Eagle Moon – Eagle

It’s after Halloween and you are wondering what to do with the rest of your nacho chips you have that did not get given away to the little trick or treater’s. Save them and share the cheesy goodness with your family, and even your friends over at Beaver’s place. Because let us be honest, last year was a fiasco for you and the candy binge, in fact, take all your candy and just keep giving it away. All of it, you will feel better!

MARCH Niski-pîsim – The Goose Moon – Cougar

Everyone is hoping the snow doesn’t fall until December but here you are with your snowboard unpacked, snowmobile gear ready and you even have your snow blower all ready to go! The excitement of that first real snowfall just gets you pumped! I’m going to tell you something – Haters going to Hate! But don’t let that stop you, take some pop over to Beaver’s place and plan our your winter escapades together!

APRIL Ayikî-pîsim – The Frog Moon – Beaver

I did the best I could Beaver, hopefully all the ingredients you need for your Indian Taco Magic fundraiser at the end of the month are going to be donated later this month. You are kind of on your own for the rest of what you need though. Good Luck.

MAY Sâkipakâwi-pîsim – The Budding Moon – Bear

Bannock maker! You able to bake lemon and herb bannock, garlic bannock or fry bread and cinnamon sugared bannock balls at a moments notice! Your family loves the time and effort you make to complement each meal with just the perfect piece of Indian bread. This month Beaver especially loves your fry bread and would love to get a large batch!

JUNE Pâskâwihowi-pîsim – The Hatching Moon – Thunderbird

Change the oil in your car already. That’s how rez beaters are born. People not taking care of their cars properly. Rotate those tires, check your fluid levels, and change your air filter when you get the chance! The seasons are changing and you are going to need your beast to be in tip top shape this winter. Get some visiting in with family by taking some canola oil over to Beaver’s place later this month.

JULY Paskowi-Pîsim – The Moulting Moon – Coyote

You are going to have to quit challenging people to ping pong games buddy, they are starting to say you play the game like an inmate! And if that was not enough your friends are starting to whisper about your pool playing skills as well. Best put them in their play by 8-balling them all at the next pool night out. Also Beaver needs your help this month, take them a couple Jars of Salsa later this month.

AUGUST Ohpahowi-pîsim – The Flying Up Moon – Mouse

You! Always storing food before winter really sets in. People are starting to watch you to determine how bad winter is going to be and when they should put their winter tires on. You know, you could really mess them up and just go on a food-hoarding rampage…just saying. But while you are out on your next shopping expedition why not pick up some extra sour cream and take it over to Beaver this month.

SEPTEMBER Nôcihitowi-pîsim– The Mating Moon – Salmon

Never seen that kind before! Driving your rez rocket around on three temporary spares like that! Goodyear is keeping an eye on you as part of a study in how long those spares really last! Best get tires fast, snow is coming soon and a baloney temporary spare can only spin so much, even on your 4×4 rez rocket.  Best go see Beaver, perhaps if you offered them some taco seasoning they could help you out.

OCTOBER Pinaskâwi-pîsim – The Migrating Moon – Turtle

You have always thought of yourself as an onion. Many layers, making people cry when they hurt you, adding flavour to any social group you choose to be a part of but not really wanted because of your bad breath (I mean unique qualities). Really you just need to be part of the right mix, head over to Beaver’s play later this month and take some onions with you – you’ll see what I mean!

NOVEMBER Iyikopiwi-pîsim – The Frost Moon – Wolf

Quit trying to get a second job as a bingo minder, you are always trying to find new ways to pay for your bingo! Organizing home bingo sessions for TV Bingo’s as long as someone buys you a package! Tuning into obscure AM radio stations from a province over after dark just to hear their radio bingo being called! Maybe nibble on some lettuce with Beaver as you discuss your bingo ideas, you may need to take some lettuce over there as well.

DECEMBER Pawâcakinasîsi-pîsim – The Frost Exploding Trees Moon – Spider

Quit listening to all those haters who say you sing in the key of EEEEEE! They only say that because they always have E for gas and need you to win the next contest otherwise you will all be walking home. But that’s ok, round dance season is here and all you have to do is take a bag of tomatoes over to Beaver and get a list of upcoming round dances to participate in!

– Bill Stevenson, Indian Horoscopes