NDN Horoscopes: February Edition (Bill’s Right on Blog)

February Horoscopes 2014 – The “Even Though Cold Out, It’s Never OK to Snuggle With Your Cuzzin’ Edition”.

Kisê-pîsim – The Great Moon – Deer – January.

Remember that time you were at that one round dance and you cut in on that snag you liked and all of a sudden their partner cut in between you two and grabbed your hand so hard and wouldn’t let go for the next two songs and now your hand is all gibbled? Yeah, let’s not let that happen again this time eh? At least try to find out if your dream snag is already snagged!

Mikisiwi-pîsim – The Eagle Moon – Eagle – February

Cha boy, don’t you dare promise to take your partner out on cheque day instead you tell her she is the love of your life, act like it! Take her window shopping, let her try on a few garments she likes, then take her home and play some cheesy video games like Mario Cart. Make a small effort and you’ll push all her right buttons!

Niski-pîsim – The Goose Moon – Cougar – March

You’re in love and it’s the kind of love that makes people jealous. You don’t always know it but people watch you posting about your sweetie, the way you treat them and how you two just joke around and love. It’s what people aspire to, its what they want – its why they keep trying. Keep it up. Valentines isn’t just another day for you, no it’s an explosion of firework love for all to see.

Ayikî-pîsim – The Frog Moon – Beaver – April

Bingo isn’t a Valentines date! Take her out to dinner and a movie to show her a good time this month, love is never encapsulated in one date of the year. And geez you, grab her hand, walk her through the park or around the mall, let people know she’s your snag. Always trying to act single and ‘G’ for the ladies only makes you the fool. Even if it’s just tuna casserole and some flowers on a card you draw – make the effort.

Sâkipakâwi-pîsim – The Budding Moon – Bear – May

Put the beads back, go buy her roses. No they won’t last or be as useful as beads but in her eyes they show you care about her, not what she does. Take her out ice skating for a while, hold her and steady her (or let her steady you) and make some hot chocolate to warm her up.

Pâskâwihowi-pîsim – The Hatching Moon – Thunderbird – June

Partnership, you and your partner understand that love is about partnership and that’s why you planned your Valentines date together. Off to the mineral spa you go for a full day of pampering and each other’s love. You know what works in partnerships and that’s being there for each other, speaking about feelings and fears, working through issues. It isn’t easy but you knew that already.

Paskowi-Pîsim – The Moulting Moon – Coyote – July

You snag – where you go. If you go to the bars you get bar stars, if you go to kfc you get kfc eaters, if you go to pow wow’s well you get pow wow snags! Remember that, if you want a partner with your expectations you have to go where they are, university degree with a great job? You’ll increase your chances if you go to university, and getting education makes you look like a more desirable snag as well!

Ohpahowi-pîsim – The Flying Up Moon – Mouse – August

So yeah, tea and seasons of science fiction eh? Ever think that maybe you need to get out there and meet someone… I mean the lady at KFC taking your toonie Tuesday order always winks at you… just saying… and I’m not making no finger licking good jokes either…

Nôcihitowi-pîsim – The Mating Moon – Salmon – September

Always complaining about him and his ways! He takes care of the kids, feeds the family, makes sacrifices so the kids can have more and puts up with you! And you have the nerve to complain he ‘only’ got you tickets to a Casino Regina show? Give your head a shake, he loves you 24/7/365!

Pinaskâwi-pîsim – The Migrating Moon – Turtle – October

Karaoke bar for Valentines eh? Well at least you got a deal on supper for two it came with a free Valentines teddy bear (that is marked 2009 mind you) but hey you and your snag are out and you’re about to belt your heart out to “God Must Have Spent, A Little More Time On you” so it isn’t all that bad eh? I mean, when your heart beats, It’s only because your partner loves you. And that good enough for you.

Iyikopiwi-pîsim – The Frost Moon – Wolf – November

When the moon is full and the night is dark you prowl for your snag and find them… with their ex… you know, sometimes the greatest revenge is to just let them have them eh? Spend Valentines eating chocolate and watching movies with a box of tissues by your side… but after you’re done, you go out there and you make 2014 the best snagging year ever!

Pawâcakinasîsi-pîsim – The Frost Exploding Trees Moon – Spider – December

Taking your new girlfriend to a burlesque show is fine and dandy, it shows you’re a bit more adventurous and live life on the wild side and maybe plant the seed for your own personal burlesque show later on you sly dog you! Wink wink! But the fact that the main burlesque dancer is your side mistress is downright despicable! Change you plans and class it up, your new snag will appreciate it!

Oh, and drop the mistresses… ALL OF YOU! Happy Valentines!

– By Bill Stevenson, Bill’s Right On Blog!